How is this possible? When I was a kid we'd be climbing up to get the best conkers before they fell in case I missed them.
Preposterous!
Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts
Friday, 1 October 2010
Kids Today
There are some Horse Chestnuts at the top of my road. All over the pavement lie some conkers that have fallen from the tree and been ignored. Some of them are so big and promising that I'm having a hard time not taking them home to prepare for my own use.
How is this possible? When I was a kid we'd be climbing up to get the best conkers before they fell in case I missed them.
Preposterous!
How is this possible? When I was a kid we'd be climbing up to get the best conkers before they fell in case I missed them.
Preposterous!
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Wayne Rooney paid a prostitute £1000 per visit
He'd be well advised to let his agent conduct his contract negotiations next time out as he clearly has no gift for this himself.
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Those Who Can, Teach. So Teach!
I woke this morning with a sudden clear realisation. This happens all of the time in literature, but it has never happened to me before (that I recall). Here it is:
I really struggle with grammar and punctuation. I still have to think hard to remember the difference between a verb and an adjective and I throw punctuation marks in seemingly at random; the semi-colon being my latest favourite, I don't really know what I'm doing with it. It has always been thus. I know this because I recall one of the comments from my GCSE English teacher Mr Evans (a man I have always had lots of time for) on one of my submitted coursework essays:
I realised at the time that the point of this comment was to show any external examiners that he had recognised that my punctuation was poor but that the quality of what was written, however mangled by my ropey comma-use, earned the high mark he was awarding. I have carried that message with me for a long time- your esoteric punctuation, it comes naturally too you, you can't help it.
This morning I woke with the realisation that, while he may have lavished my essays with red ink, Mr Evans never once tried to show my why my punctuation was wrong and what I should be doing instead. Even if he thought it was too ingrained in me, there was no excuse for him not to try. All these years and- perhaps because I liked him so much- I never realised that.
Teacher isn't just a title, it should be a description.
I really struggle with grammar and punctuation. I still have to think hard to remember the difference between a verb and an adjective and I throw punctuation marks in seemingly at random; the semi-colon being my latest favourite, I don't really know what I'm doing with it. It has always been thus. I know this because I recall one of the comments from my GCSE English teacher Mr Evans (a man I have always had lots of time for) on one of my submitted coursework essays:
"An excellent essay punctuated in your own somewhat esoteric style"
I realised at the time that the point of this comment was to show any external examiners that he had recognised that my punctuation was poor but that the quality of what was written, however mangled by my ropey comma-use, earned the high mark he was awarding. I have carried that message with me for a long time- your esoteric punctuation, it comes naturally too you, you can't help it.
This morning I woke with the realisation that, while he may have lavished my essays with red ink, Mr Evans never once tried to show my why my punctuation was wrong and what I should be doing instead. Even if he thought it was too ingrained in me, there was no excuse for him not to try. All these years and- perhaps because I liked him so much- I never realised that.
Teacher isn't just a title, it should be a description.
Friday, 27 August 2010
Inspiration by Hemingway
I love these motivational posters mocked up by the excellent Art of Manliness blog. This is inspirational!
Hemingway was a man who really lived, a serious inspiration.
Hemingway was a man who really lived, a serious inspiration.
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
I Love You West Bromwich Albion
The Albion's new signing and my new hero Peter Odemwingie made his debut at the weekend in the lone striker role. He played well, worked hard, showed no little skill and scored the winner. What is more in his post-match interview he was charming, articulate and self-effacing.
And then I learned a couple of days later that the fans of his previous club Lokomotiv Moscow had marked his departure with this banner:
The banana, of course, is meant to indicate that Odemwingie is a monkey. He is half-Nigerian and half-Uzbekistani. Does he really look like a monkey?
As distasteful as this truly is, the response of my fellow Baggies has been wonderful. The blogosphere and message boards have been busy spreading the word and a fast-growing Facebook group expressing out disgust at this racism has been created. A banner has been designed and is in production, hopefully to be on display at our next home game:
Of course we do have form in this regard. In the 70s the Albion were at the forefront of the integration of black players into English football; while most clubs in England were exclusively white we had three black guys in the first team (in contrast Everton didn't manage to find a black player who was good enough to play regularly for their team until the 1990s). And it was a superb team too.
It's made me even prouder to be a Baggie. And I'm always very proud to be a Baggie so that's no mean feat at all!
And then I learned a couple of days later that the fans of his previous club Lokomotiv Moscow had marked his departure with this banner:
The banana, of course, is meant to indicate that Odemwingie is a monkey. He is half-Nigerian and half-Uzbekistani. Does he really look like a monkey?
As distasteful as this truly is, the response of my fellow Baggies has been wonderful. The blogosphere and message boards have been busy spreading the word and a fast-growing Facebook group expressing out disgust at this racism has been created. A banner has been designed and is in production, hopefully to be on display at our next home game:
Of course we do have form in this regard. In the 70s the Albion were at the forefront of the integration of black players into English football; while most clubs in England were exclusively white we had three black guys in the first team (in contrast Everton didn't manage to find a black player who was good enough to play regularly for their team until the 1990s). And it was a superb team too.
It's made me even prouder to be a Baggie. And I'm always very proud to be a Baggie so that's no mean feat at all!
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Working Nights
Just want to quickly record this, for reference in case I get asked again any time soon.
Working nights ruins my life. It is like living with perpetual jet-lag and very limited social interactivity.
Most importantly, I am not there for my wife when she needs me. And more than this, I'm not available to spend time with my friends, I eat badly, I get bored and frustrated, I lose touch with news and current events, I find it difficult to keep on top of looking after the house, doing the laundry and other things, my skin turns to shit, I get dark circles under the eyes, I never get to the cinema...
It might be easy money but, from this point forward, working nights are an absolute no-no.
Working nights ruins my life. It is like living with perpetual jet-lag and very limited social interactivity.
Most importantly, I am not there for my wife when she needs me. And more than this, I'm not available to spend time with my friends, I eat badly, I get bored and frustrated, I lose touch with news and current events, I find it difficult to keep on top of looking after the house, doing the laundry and other things, my skin turns to shit, I get dark circles under the eyes, I never get to the cinema...
It might be easy money but, from this point forward, working nights are an absolute no-no.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
14 August 2010 - Disaster!
The disaster I refer to is not, surprisingly enough, the Albion's embarrassing 6-0 humping at the hands of a Chelsea team who didn't even need to get out of first gear. No, though there is a slight relation to that, this was far worse.
As I sat in the Lord Clifden watching the game I reached for my lemonade and, not taking my eyes from the screen, took a swig. The disaster is that I'd actually grabbed ChromeDome's beer and only realised as the mouthful I had taken hit my tastebuds. I didn't drink it, I spat it all over the floor (as discreetly as such an act can possibly be performed) then ran to the toilets and washed my mouth out several times in the sink. When I got back to the bar I quickly ordered and drank a a coffee to get rid of the taste.
So, I didn't drink any but I did taste some. And now my head is consumed by it. I know that I'm going to find this difficult to deal with, it is already popping into my head frequently and in curious ways- as articulated thoughts, as uncomfortable sensations, as flashbacks to the taste. I have never been in this position before. I have never been in a comparable position either and so I don't really know how this will pan out.
In May this year I was drinking Fentiman's Victorian Lemonade when CD (again!) noticed that the label read something like 'contains no more than 0.2% alcohol'. Well obviously I stopped immediately but realistically I knew that it was merely there as a precaution and not indicative of any likely alcoholic content. I coped with that because I knew that it really was just fermented lemon juice as a pop and so the warning was added for unlikely circumstances. I knew I hadn't ingested anything that could cause me to lapse. That's how I coped then.
And then about four years ago in a fancy restaurant I had a cheese board which included a cheese which I later came to understand had been injected with wine during the preparation process. That freaked me out a bit because it was wine but realistically I knew that there was no likelihood of any alcohol being ingested, it isn't wine or beer that is the problem for an alcoholic after all it is the alcohol within them. Theoretically I would be fine with an alcohol-free lager but I have never tried because I simply didn't want to be put in a position of being familiar with the taste of alcohol- even a synthesised one- as I didn't fully trust myself to resist the temptation presented. Well, that's where I am now. It's been six and a half years but an alcoholic is still an alcoholic- in the blue book it talks about people falling back into alcoholism over three decades later! In AA I heard about people lapsing after accidentally ingesting mouthwash which contained alcohol- I'm scrupulous in our not buying that of course- but did I ingest any of the beer when it hit my tastebuds? I know that I didn't take in enough to cause a real physiological change- in fact I probably didn't ingest any at all- but there is an element of doubt there and that (allied to the memory of the taste) is deeply troubling.
I am, in truth, petrified of falling off the wagon and this fear has always been my guard. But now the enemy has a new weapon and my armour has yet to be tested against it.
Tough times.
As I sat in the Lord Clifden watching the game I reached for my lemonade and, not taking my eyes from the screen, took a swig. The disaster is that I'd actually grabbed ChromeDome's beer and only realised as the mouthful I had taken hit my tastebuds. I didn't drink it, I spat it all over the floor (as discreetly as such an act can possibly be performed) then ran to the toilets and washed my mouth out several times in the sink. When I got back to the bar I quickly ordered and drank a a coffee to get rid of the taste.
So, I didn't drink any but I did taste some. And now my head is consumed by it. I know that I'm going to find this difficult to deal with, it is already popping into my head frequently and in curious ways- as articulated thoughts, as uncomfortable sensations, as flashbacks to the taste. I have never been in this position before. I have never been in a comparable position either and so I don't really know how this will pan out.
In May this year I was drinking Fentiman's Victorian Lemonade when CD (again!) noticed that the label read something like 'contains no more than 0.2% alcohol'. Well obviously I stopped immediately but realistically I knew that it was merely there as a precaution and not indicative of any likely alcoholic content. I coped with that because I knew that it really was just fermented lemon juice as a pop and so the warning was added for unlikely circumstances. I knew I hadn't ingested anything that could cause me to lapse. That's how I coped then.
And then about four years ago in a fancy restaurant I had a cheese board which included a cheese which I later came to understand had been injected with wine during the preparation process. That freaked me out a bit because it was wine but realistically I knew that there was no likelihood of any alcohol being ingested, it isn't wine or beer that is the problem for an alcoholic after all it is the alcohol within them. Theoretically I would be fine with an alcohol-free lager but I have never tried because I simply didn't want to be put in a position of being familiar with the taste of alcohol- even a synthesised one- as I didn't fully trust myself to resist the temptation presented. Well, that's where I am now. It's been six and a half years but an alcoholic is still an alcoholic- in the blue book it talks about people falling back into alcoholism over three decades later! In AA I heard about people lapsing after accidentally ingesting mouthwash which contained alcohol- I'm scrupulous in our not buying that of course- but did I ingest any of the beer when it hit my tastebuds? I know that I didn't take in enough to cause a real physiological change- in fact I probably didn't ingest any at all- but there is an element of doubt there and that (allied to the memory of the taste) is deeply troubling.
I am, in truth, petrified of falling off the wagon and this fear has always been my guard. But now the enemy has a new weapon and my armour has yet to be tested against it.
Tough times.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Mind The Gap Please
I am such an idiot sometimes. I slipped stepping onto a train yesterday and ended up slipping down the very gap that I have been told to mind (please) probably thousands of times. My pride was hurt more than my physical injuries but they are still looking a little horrible this morning and my second toe (which has been known to dislocate and slip back into place as a legacy of an old football injury) isn't feeling too wonderful. I'm going to have it looked at tomorrow after I leave the night shift if there is no improvement.
By the way the blood below the large toe-nail results from a different incident where my father-in-law ran over my foot last March.
I sound like Frank Spencer.
UPDATE 13 August
Bruising is coming out now:
By the way the blood below the large toe-nail results from a different incident where my father-in-law ran over my foot last March.
I sound like Frank Spencer.
UPDATE 13 August
Bruising is coming out now:
A New Career In A New Town
Having taken voluntary redundancy in order to return to university and complete the studies required to qualify as a solicitor I find myself with a dilemma. The opportunity of doing so relies upon achieving a training contract and these were already thin on the ground before the recession began to bite. With the prospect of a double-dip recession or, at best, slow and uncertain growth in the economy this shows no sign of improving and for a man who will be approaching his forties, the chances of taking one of just a few thousand places in a field where there are sometimes hundreds of applicants per place the odds are against success. I need to be pragmatic about this; the qualification will be little problem to achieve, but using it could prove nigh-on impossible. Without a network of contacts, without much directly relevant experience, without an impressive first degree and with my age, the economy and the financial imperative to earn immediately against me I have little hope of completing the journey I had started out upon. Better to lose a couple of hundred quid course deposit now than five grand cash and eight grand in debt on course fees for a qualification I can’t use.
And the dilemma is “what do I do instead?”.
I suppose my main driver in returning to study law was the financial security for my wife and I- capitalism is vile but one has to exist within it and make the best of it as things stand. I also hoped to be in a position to provide help to people who need it and can’t get it- my Aunt runs a charity providing refuge to victims of domestic violence and free legal advice would be of inestimable value to them. Another driver was a sense of unfinished business; although I never really saw myself becoming a solicitor I did embark upon that journey and for someone who rarely finishes what he starts, it seemed “a good idea”.
When I decided to use the opportunity of redundancy to become a solicitor, my other possible course of action was to retrain as a teacher and- with the legal profession proving a non-starter to me- it would be fair to assume that the silver medallist will be my fallback position. And it probably will be, though I can’t help the nagging feeling I have that I should maybe consider other options first.
In any case I am off to visit my Aunt (the aforementioned charitable Aunt as it happens) and her son and daughter-in-law to be, both of whom are teachers and will hopefully help me to clarify my thoughts on teaching. And so, I’m going to gather my thoughts on the way there.
Teaching is often seen as the easy option for graduates who fail in their chosen career (“those who can’t teach”) but I don’t think that I deserve that tag. I don’t actually have a chosen career unless you can count “being Keith Richards” as one. And yes, I did fail at that. No, my view of teaching isn’t in any way negative in the way that it might be for people using it as a safety net. Informed by the great teachers I had in some very bad schools, I have a far higher opinion of the profession and- as with my decision to stop caring for adults with learning disabilities because I wasn’t able to do the job justice (nor stop the counter-productive direction of the trust that I worked for)- I worry that I won’t be a great teacher. I know that I have the qualities to do so- patience, resilience, the ability to engage and connect- but I still have the fear. If I didn’t respect the profession, then I wouldn’t have.
When I was considering transitioning to teaching last year I was focusing upon teaching young adults but I feel differently now. Give me the boy at five and I will give you the man- or whatever the saying is- sums up my feelings at the moment. To provide the positive intervention that I would hope to and make the lasting impact that the children deserve, I think I would want to engage with them at an earlier age; primary school certainly, perhaps as young as infant classes. The more I think about it the more “right” it “feels”- and here again is a cause for anxiety, is “feeling right” sufficiently strong to support a career change like this? If I follow it, then one would hope so.
I think I am pretty set upon that course of action and my plan to get there begins as soon as the decision is made- or as soon as is necessary in case the decision is made should I exhibit a hitherto undiscovered streak of indecisiveness.
And what does this mean for my idea of considering other career paths? Well, in truth, I don’t want any of them. I could make a career in training, management or something or else retrain as an accountant but these are ideas based upon financial security alone or, even worse, expedience. And I deserve better than an old age filled with regrets.
At least I hope that I do.
And the dilemma is “what do I do instead?”.
I suppose my main driver in returning to study law was the financial security for my wife and I- capitalism is vile but one has to exist within it and make the best of it as things stand. I also hoped to be in a position to provide help to people who need it and can’t get it- my Aunt runs a charity providing refuge to victims of domestic violence and free legal advice would be of inestimable value to them. Another driver was a sense of unfinished business; although I never really saw myself becoming a solicitor I did embark upon that journey and for someone who rarely finishes what he starts, it seemed “a good idea”.
When I decided to use the opportunity of redundancy to become a solicitor, my other possible course of action was to retrain as a teacher and- with the legal profession proving a non-starter to me- it would be fair to assume that the silver medallist will be my fallback position. And it probably will be, though I can’t help the nagging feeling I have that I should maybe consider other options first.
In any case I am off to visit my Aunt (the aforementioned charitable Aunt as it happens) and her son and daughter-in-law to be, both of whom are teachers and will hopefully help me to clarify my thoughts on teaching. And so, I’m going to gather my thoughts on the way there.
Teaching is often seen as the easy option for graduates who fail in their chosen career (“those who can’t teach”) but I don’t think that I deserve that tag. I don’t actually have a chosen career unless you can count “being Keith Richards” as one. And yes, I did fail at that. No, my view of teaching isn’t in any way negative in the way that it might be for people using it as a safety net. Informed by the great teachers I had in some very bad schools, I have a far higher opinion of the profession and- as with my decision to stop caring for adults with learning disabilities because I wasn’t able to do the job justice (nor stop the counter-productive direction of the trust that I worked for)- I worry that I won’t be a great teacher. I know that I have the qualities to do so- patience, resilience, the ability to engage and connect- but I still have the fear. If I didn’t respect the profession, then I wouldn’t have.
When I was considering transitioning to teaching last year I was focusing upon teaching young adults but I feel differently now. Give me the boy at five and I will give you the man- or whatever the saying is- sums up my feelings at the moment. To provide the positive intervention that I would hope to and make the lasting impact that the children deserve, I think I would want to engage with them at an earlier age; primary school certainly, perhaps as young as infant classes. The more I think about it the more “right” it “feels”- and here again is a cause for anxiety, is “feeling right” sufficiently strong to support a career change like this? If I follow it, then one would hope so.
I think I am pretty set upon that course of action and my plan to get there begins as soon as the decision is made- or as soon as is necessary in case the decision is made should I exhibit a hitherto undiscovered streak of indecisiveness.
And what does this mean for my idea of considering other career paths? Well, in truth, I don’t want any of them. I could make a career in training, management or something or else retrain as an accountant but these are ideas based upon financial security alone or, even worse, expedience. And I deserve better than an old age filled with regrets.
At least I hope that I do.
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Friends Shaking Hands
Funny how songs can transport you back to a previous time in your life. I heard Louis Armstrong’s “Wonderful World” earlier, a song which always puts me in mind of a time many years ago when I fell for a girl who was already in a relationship. Though our love was transient, it felt deep and our parting was as amicable as these things can be. For reasons I forget she was unable to leave the relationship immediately and so for a period we carried on in secret (I’m not proud of this but it was a nice relationship and is a nice memory). On occasions we would be brought together in public with her boyfriend or mutual friends and had to be discreet and so we developed a code; we would greet each other with a handshake and a "how do you do?" following the suggestion of the great Satchmo who sang:
I see friends shaking hands
Saying "how do you do?"
They’re really saying
"I love you"
I see friends shaking hands
Saying "how do you do?"
They’re really saying
"I love you"
Monday, 26 July 2010
Lessons From History
The 1945-51 Labour Government which inherited the largest structural deficit- not that this actually matters- and debt in UK history and proceeded to deal with this by creating the National Health Service, nationalising the coal and steel industry and embarking upon the most far-reaching house-building programme of any UK government. What they did essentially was to repair the economy through full employment, by circulating the available money and by achieving growth through investment. This is where the opportunity presented by the infrastructure failings we have at present should have been, I thought, immediately apparent.
The coalition are choosing a different tactic, one of shrinking the economy (VAT cuts hitting expenditure, wholesale redundancies preventing money circulation, cancelling the school-building programme in order to fund their 'free schools' (for selected kids in affluent areas) programme and opening up the NHS to speculators from here and abroad) and hoping that the private sector will grow sufficiently to not only make up the shortfall but also to pay off the second largest debt in UK history. And where does that public sector growth come from? Well, as no-one here will have much money it will have to come from abroad. But with the EU (by far our biggest customer for exports) in much the same boat then it can't come from abroad either.
It's a conundrum isn't it?
The coalition are choosing a different tactic, one of shrinking the economy (VAT cuts hitting expenditure, wholesale redundancies preventing money circulation, cancelling the school-building programme in order to fund their 'free schools' (for selected kids in affluent areas) programme and opening up the NHS to speculators from here and abroad) and hoping that the private sector will grow sufficiently to not only make up the shortfall but also to pay off the second largest debt in UK history. And where does that public sector growth come from? Well, as no-one here will have much money it will have to come from abroad. But with the EU (by far our biggest customer for exports) in much the same boat then it can't come from abroad either.
It's a conundrum isn't it?
Monday, 22 March 2010
Laura’s Progress
On the night of the 27th January 2010, my wife Laura was hosptialised after complications resulting from her medicinal intake. As a result she developed ARDS and was in hospital for six weeks, five of which were in intensive care. These are the daily text messages I sent to keep her friends and family up to date with her progress.
Laura was hospitalised last night after an overdose and is in the critical care unit at Selly Oak. I'm certain that it was accidental. She could be here for days before they can assess the extent of the damage she's done to her brain. There is also a real chance that she won't make it. I'll call when I can. I'm here with her Dad and will stay with her. No need to reply, I'm turning the phone off. Stop people calling or texting please.
The Doctors have had a look at her and done some tests and we'll be chatting it through later this afternoon. No other news yet.
Right, I've spoken to the consultant and the upshot is that we probably won't know anything for a couple of days. The great unknowns are how long the brain could have been starved of oxygen and, if it was, which of the many different impacts that can have will happen. The other is we still don't really know what she had, over how long and in what quantity. Today's good news is that her pupils became light sensitive, to a degree. The bad is that her heartrate became less stable- though this is a common side-effect of one of the possible drugs. All we can do is wait and see, every possible outcome from best to worst is still feasible. They're letting me stay with her constantly, hence I can only text just now. Cross everything please!
Laura's eyes are pretty much always responsive now and her heart rate seems- to my untrained eye- to be steadier. Her blood pressure is still very low even with strong drugs supporting it. No real changes then, but either I'm getting used to her or she looks more settled. Though on an expressionless face that's probably just my imagination. The staff have been great letting me stay by her bedside all night. But we're still on a wait and see timescale. Thanks so much for your support.
Hi everyone. Still nothing major to report, and this may be the case for days or even weeks I'm afraid. She is still responding quickly to light but showing no other responses yet. Her heart-rate has been strong and steady, but for an hour where it was strong and erratic. All other indicators are good too. She will probably have another brain scan tomorrow, this is to see if problems have developed since the scan she had on arrival. We may, or may not, know more after that. I'll let you know more tomorrow, or sooner if anything happens. Phone off again now as I head back in shortly.
Good morning. Laura had a pretty stable night apart from an incident at about 11.30 when her heart rate started racing reaching well over 160. The Doctors identified a chemical imbalance and administered drugs which mean it has been perfect ever since. No news on a scan time yet. Thanks again for your support.
I haven't got the scan results yet, but I thought I'd let you all know that Laura's had a good day. Her heart rate has been good all day and her blood pressure has started holding up without medication in the last hour. All else is as it was. Nothing else to report yet but I know how not knowing anything feels (believe me!) so I thought I'd check in.
Scan results reveal no changes which is fantastic news. There are two caveats: something may still develop, though with each day that passes that risk diminishes, and the CT scan is quite crude and may not pick up small things. So, it's really good news! I asked if they were going to do a finer scan but because of one or two positive signs (I didn't tell you in case it gave false hope but there has been some responsiveness though only coughing and facial expressions) there is no need as yet because she's doing well. I'll report back again!
Hi all. The nurses sent me home last night but I've been on the phone a few times and been told 'no change'. Heading back in now, so I'll update you later.
Have been with Laura for a few hours now. The oxygen in the air she gets from the ventilator is up to 55% (it was originally 28) because it isn't circulating the way it should yet. But she is now breathing for herself! Also, she turned her head a couple of inches earlier spontaneously and without stimulation. These are only little things and we should be cautious because this may be all the progress we get but nevertheless, these are very positive signs. Going back in now- I don't want to miss anything!
This evening I popped out while the nurse changed Laura's bedding. When I got back he said "Laura, can you open your eyes for me". And she did! Not easily and not for long but she did!
In the hospital with Laura again. The worry we have is that the oxygen problem she had is because she has pneumonia. It is being treated by anti-biotics which take 48 hours to have an impact and started yesterday. More promisingly she is increasingly responsive- when she heard my voice this morning, she opened her eyes because she recognised it. So lots to be very thankful for with still the obvious warning that it's still early and she is still very ill.
No news on Laura's pneumonia yet, we're awaiting test results. She is having an EEG scan in the morning to try and assess electrical activity levels in the brain. She's had a good day though. Her eyes have been open a lot but I don't know if she can see anything very well (or at all really). She's showing a lot of discomfort with the tubes, which is a good sign too. I'll know more tomorrow maybe.
Just a quick update. Laura has had her EEG but we've no idea when we'll know anything. She is having another chest x-ray later to check on her pneumonia. Because she was agitated as she came around yesterday, she was hyperventilating and not getting the oxygen around her properly and so they've sedated her today to regulate her breathing and help fight off the pneumonia more effectively. So, no reports of eye-opening or hand-squeezing today I'm afraid. But she's resting and healing, so that's okay.
Laura's chest x-ray shows the pneumonia has worsened a little, but that's to be expected as the antibiotics won't have an effect until Weds/Thurs. The results of her EEG should be back tomorrow; they will give an indication but won't be definitive as she was both ill (pneumonia) and sedated when it was done. Despite being sedated she still opened her eyes in response to voices, which was a pleasant surprise! Another positive day all things considered.
Hi again. Laura has been put onto a different ventilator. It is massive, noisy and looks Victorian but seems to be doing some good, her oxygen requirement is down to 40% from a high of 80. Normal is 21% I think. So, early days but positive signs.
EEG results are back and tell us there are no major seizures (good news, obviously). Brain activity was lower than normal but as she was sedated on morphine when they did it, that was expected and means nothing good or bad. The pneumonia has been treated, now they are dealing with healing the lungs which takes time. The Doctors are happy with this. They've increased her sedatives to allow the healing process to happen but she still won't keep her bloody eyes shut! It appears that her stubbornness is unaffected. Seriously, she is fighting very hard and your thoughts and prayers are all helping her. Thanks!
They say no news is good news and I'm therefore happy to report that Laura is exactly the same as I said earlier today. Another good day then!
Hi, Laura is still pretty heavily sedated to allow the effects of the pneumonia to heal, and still trying to keep her eyes open in spite of it. That's expected to remain the situation for today and tomorrow at least. She's showing lots of positive signs and fighting very hard. I'm very proud of her.
As expected Laura remained much the same all day. Except when I tried to let go of her hand she gripped so hard that she left an imprint of her fingernail!
Hi, Laura has been sedated again today but did manage a massive toothy smile (her first since she's been in hospital) when I arrived. Otherwise slow, steady progress again which the Doctors are more than happy with.
Hi, a really quiet day of Laura being sedated and healing again. No news, again, is good news!
Laura had another good day. She was mostly asleep with the sedation but the Doctors are pleased with her and her recovery from pneumonia. All good with little to report again.
Laura went back onto the original ventilator this afternoon and has responded well. She's still sedated while they assess how she copes. That said, she was still fighting it and trying to wake herself up. The plan is to begin reducing her medication from tomorrow- if she continues to respond well- and begin to assess how she is in herself. It's been a lovely day all told.
Harder day for Laura today as she's gone back onto the original ventilator and hasn't settled totally. She's running a bit of a temperature which is being investigated and is fighting to wake up from sedation despite being given enough to fell a horse. It's nothing to worry about but after days on end of positive news, today it's been neither positive nor negative. The Doctors remain calm and confident that her progress is in the right direction.
Laura's struggled with getting oxygen around her system since switching to the less intensive ventilator. It may be because her lungs were more damaged than originally suspected, or that there may be a secondary infection (this is being investigated) or that she simply wasn't quite ready to make the transition so soon. In practice this means that she'll need to be sedated and for her breathing to be supported for a while longer than originally hoped- but as yet no- one can say how long. On the positive side, when she comes round from the masses of sedation she needs (the staff are absolutely amazed how much she resists!) she is much more her old self. But her look of sadness as I explained I had to leave for the evening tonight broke my heart!
Laura had a lovely quiet day today. Lots of rest and little agitation which is what she needs. Nothing big is expected to happen over the weekend and that would be lovely if it happens because she'll be making slow, steady improvements.
Laura was very irritated by the breathing tube today and the Drs have decided that she'll have a tracheostomy. This is a breathing tube directly into the throat. It is much more comfortable for her, allows them to stop sedation, carries much less risk of infection and allows her to breathe for herself at times and not waste her chest muscles any further. This will happen on Monday if she's fit enough and if the hospital isn't too busy with injured soldiers. It sounds scary but is very routine and a normal next step. Afterwards she'll need to remain in Critical Care for 'a considerable period'.
Laura had a very quiet day today and her progress has been slow but steady. She may not be quite ready for the Tracheostomy procedure tomorrow, a decision will be made in the morning. Her temperature remains high and they'll run further tests in the morning. But overall she's been okay.
Just to let you all know that Laura isn’t having the procedure today as she isn’t quite ready.
Barring a decline in her health the procedure will go ahead tomorrow. She’s unchanged otherwise.
Fairly sure Laura will have the Tracheostomy tomorrow, her breathing has been better and more consistent today. She’s been asleep the whole day which is good. Her temperature is still up but tests have come back negative for infection twice now which is good. I’m off to bed; watching someone sleep is exhausting!
Just to let you know the Doctor’s are planning to go ahead with the tracheostomy ‘at some point this afternoon’. I’m going to try and stay overnight to be there when she wakes from sedation.
Hi, the tracheostomy went well and she’s going to be automatically ventilated and sedated overnight. The staff seem pleased. There was a slight wobble during the procedure when her heartrate dropped but they pumped her with some drugs and that sorted her out. Fingers crossed again.
Hello again, Laura is now breathing for herself via the ventilator (she’s going to be dependent upon that for a while yet). Some of the sedation has been lightened (she’s on four types, one stopped and two reduced) and so the long slow process of waking up starts now. Although her lung injury is still the highest immediate concern, we can hopefully begin to assess what extent of brain injury she received during the coma. Obviously this could be very serious but the staff can’t make any assessment or predictions yet. At the outset we were told chances of a full recovery were very slim and nothing’s happened to change that. We must all remain hopeful obviously but also be prepared for a long wait and the possibility of a very different Laura than we knew.
Laura had a FANTASIC day today. The sedation was lightened and she came around a lot. She drifts in and out of dreams with her eyes open and in between gurning, laughing and crying at hallucinations (she’s medicated, give her a break!) she was able to see and hear, to understand and respond to questions by nodding or shaking her head, to recognize me and a couple of her friends, to be a complete pain in the arse to the nurse by keep trying to pull her tubes out and to give me a kiss goodbye! She can speak but because of the tracheostomy no sound is made and she is getting incredibly frustrated with my ability to lip read. She was worn out by the end of the day but she deserved to be. The prospects are much better than they could have been.
Laura’s day was much quieter today. Having been awake for most of the night she slept most of the day. When awake she was mostly delirious with a few moments of lucidity (I’m assuming the moment when she appeared to call me a wanker wasn’t one of them!). She is making progress with her breathing but struggles after a while and the support has to be increased again – this is why it will take time as she gradually weaned off the ventilator. Doing ok though.
Hi all. I’m fairly confident that no matter what a huge battering her lungs have taken, Laura’s brain and personality remains intact. It is wonderful to know I still have her to love and be bossed around by. In her still rare lucid moments, she is very much the same old Laura – sadly with the same old problems, but better to have her needing help than not to have her at all!
Laura slept ALL DAY again, but that’s okay. There was a lot of good stuff done on increasing her lung strength today though. Nothing else to report except she has some kind of boxing gloves on to stop her pulling out tubes from her nose, throat or arm. She doesn’t look much like a boxer to me.
Laura made a lot of good progress on the ventilator today. She’s very down in the dumps and frustrated but getting better and stronger. She had lots of visitors and was knackered by the end of the day so hopefully she’ll have a nice peaceful night. They’re increasing her support overnight to let her rest.
Laura did largely unsupported breathing for most of today. She exhausted herself doing it but this is way ahead of what we’ve been told to expect. It’s amazing. I can’t tell you how exciting it is seeing such rapid and unexpected improvements!
Another great day for Laura. She spent an hour out of bed on a special armchair and has also been moved to a quieter and less intensive part of the Intensive Care ward. She is now accelerating beyond expectations at pace. If only that would stop her being bored and frustrated!
Sorry for the late message, my phone died and I’ve only just got in. Laura had a wobble overnight when she needed to be sedated and put on a ventilator, nothing to worry about and she’s back to where she was last night after a good day. So it isn’t plain sailing but still going the right way.
Laura had another steady day. She had moments of being more animated than she has been before, but was mostly drowsy or actually fast asleep. The medical staff are pleased with her progress though and that’s good enough for me.
Laura was awake and alert for most of today. She was the most herself she’s been and it was really lovely spending the day with her, she didn’t seem that down about being stuck in the hospital for a change!
Laura had another nice day. She had a speaking valve fitted at one point but found it exhausting. She’s begun to realize how ill she is and has been. The Doctors have replaced the tracheostomy tube with another type which should make the speaking valve less difficult. I have to say though, that it was lovely to hear her voice for the first time since January 27th, no matter how croaky it was!
Hello everyone, Laura has had the tracheostomy tube removed and is doing brilliantly. She is talking, albeit weakly, and has stood up with support and has been sat in her chair for about four hours. Wonderful stuff again!
Laura is out of intensive care! She’s not on a ventilator either. Admittedly she’s now on a ward that looks like the set of the film Cocoon, but it’s still really fantastic news!
Just wanted to let you know that Laura is still doing really well. She’s been walking with the assistance of a zimmer frame for a couple of days and even took a shower this morning – after that her legs were knackered for the rest of today as she’s been pushing herself hard for two days. There as been a suggestion and no more than that, that she may be discharged in about a week. Her lungs are stronger bit-by-bit and her memory is getting better at recalling things but also storing short-term memories, which has been a concern. In short, she’s a (slowly) walking miracle! I’m so proud of her.
Hi Everyone. Good news and bad news for Laura today. The good news is that she’s being discharged tomorrow. The bad news is that there’s six week’s worth of housework waiting for her when she gets home!
Laura was hospitalised last night after an overdose and is in the critical care unit at Selly Oak. I'm certain that it was accidental. She could be here for days before they can assess the extent of the damage she's done to her brain. There is also a real chance that she won't make it. I'll call when I can. I'm here with her Dad and will stay with her. No need to reply, I'm turning the phone off. Stop people calling or texting please.
The Doctors have had a look at her and done some tests and we'll be chatting it through later this afternoon. No other news yet.
Right, I've spoken to the consultant and the upshot is that we probably won't know anything for a couple of days. The great unknowns are how long the brain could have been starved of oxygen and, if it was, which of the many different impacts that can have will happen. The other is we still don't really know what she had, over how long and in what quantity. Today's good news is that her pupils became light sensitive, to a degree. The bad is that her heartrate became less stable- though this is a common side-effect of one of the possible drugs. All we can do is wait and see, every possible outcome from best to worst is still feasible. They're letting me stay with her constantly, hence I can only text just now. Cross everything please!
Laura's eyes are pretty much always responsive now and her heart rate seems- to my untrained eye- to be steadier. Her blood pressure is still very low even with strong drugs supporting it. No real changes then, but either I'm getting used to her or she looks more settled. Though on an expressionless face that's probably just my imagination. The staff have been great letting me stay by her bedside all night. But we're still on a wait and see timescale. Thanks so much for your support.
Hi everyone. Still nothing major to report, and this may be the case for days or even weeks I'm afraid. She is still responding quickly to light but showing no other responses yet. Her heart-rate has been strong and steady, but for an hour where it was strong and erratic. All other indicators are good too. She will probably have another brain scan tomorrow, this is to see if problems have developed since the scan she had on arrival. We may, or may not, know more after that. I'll let you know more tomorrow, or sooner if anything happens. Phone off again now as I head back in shortly.
Good morning. Laura had a pretty stable night apart from an incident at about 11.30 when her heart rate started racing reaching well over 160. The Doctors identified a chemical imbalance and administered drugs which mean it has been perfect ever since. No news on a scan time yet. Thanks again for your support.
I haven't got the scan results yet, but I thought I'd let you all know that Laura's had a good day. Her heart rate has been good all day and her blood pressure has started holding up without medication in the last hour. All else is as it was. Nothing else to report yet but I know how not knowing anything feels (believe me!) so I thought I'd check in.
Scan results reveal no changes which is fantastic news. There are two caveats: something may still develop, though with each day that passes that risk diminishes, and the CT scan is quite crude and may not pick up small things. So, it's really good news! I asked if they were going to do a finer scan but because of one or two positive signs (I didn't tell you in case it gave false hope but there has been some responsiveness though only coughing and facial expressions) there is no need as yet because she's doing well. I'll report back again!
Hi all. The nurses sent me home last night but I've been on the phone a few times and been told 'no change'. Heading back in now, so I'll update you later.
Have been with Laura for a few hours now. The oxygen in the air she gets from the ventilator is up to 55% (it was originally 28) because it isn't circulating the way it should yet. But she is now breathing for herself! Also, she turned her head a couple of inches earlier spontaneously and without stimulation. These are only little things and we should be cautious because this may be all the progress we get but nevertheless, these are very positive signs. Going back in now- I don't want to miss anything!
This evening I popped out while the nurse changed Laura's bedding. When I got back he said "Laura, can you open your eyes for me". And she did! Not easily and not for long but she did!
In the hospital with Laura again. The worry we have is that the oxygen problem she had is because she has pneumonia. It is being treated by anti-biotics which take 48 hours to have an impact and started yesterday. More promisingly she is increasingly responsive- when she heard my voice this morning, she opened her eyes because she recognised it. So lots to be very thankful for with still the obvious warning that it's still early and she is still very ill.
No news on Laura's pneumonia yet, we're awaiting test results. She is having an EEG scan in the morning to try and assess electrical activity levels in the brain. She's had a good day though. Her eyes have been open a lot but I don't know if she can see anything very well (or at all really). She's showing a lot of discomfort with the tubes, which is a good sign too. I'll know more tomorrow maybe.
Just a quick update. Laura has had her EEG but we've no idea when we'll know anything. She is having another chest x-ray later to check on her pneumonia. Because she was agitated as she came around yesterday, she was hyperventilating and not getting the oxygen around her properly and so they've sedated her today to regulate her breathing and help fight off the pneumonia more effectively. So, no reports of eye-opening or hand-squeezing today I'm afraid. But she's resting and healing, so that's okay.
Laura's chest x-ray shows the pneumonia has worsened a little, but that's to be expected as the antibiotics won't have an effect until Weds/Thurs. The results of her EEG should be back tomorrow; they will give an indication but won't be definitive as she was both ill (pneumonia) and sedated when it was done. Despite being sedated she still opened her eyes in response to voices, which was a pleasant surprise! Another positive day all things considered.
Hi again. Laura has been put onto a different ventilator. It is massive, noisy and looks Victorian but seems to be doing some good, her oxygen requirement is down to 40% from a high of 80. Normal is 21% I think. So, early days but positive signs.
EEG results are back and tell us there are no major seizures (good news, obviously). Brain activity was lower than normal but as she was sedated on morphine when they did it, that was expected and means nothing good or bad. The pneumonia has been treated, now they are dealing with healing the lungs which takes time. The Doctors are happy with this. They've increased her sedatives to allow the healing process to happen but she still won't keep her bloody eyes shut! It appears that her stubbornness is unaffected. Seriously, she is fighting very hard and your thoughts and prayers are all helping her. Thanks!
They say no news is good news and I'm therefore happy to report that Laura is exactly the same as I said earlier today. Another good day then!
Hi, Laura is still pretty heavily sedated to allow the effects of the pneumonia to heal, and still trying to keep her eyes open in spite of it. That's expected to remain the situation for today and tomorrow at least. She's showing lots of positive signs and fighting very hard. I'm very proud of her.
As expected Laura remained much the same all day. Except when I tried to let go of her hand she gripped so hard that she left an imprint of her fingernail!
Hi, Laura has been sedated again today but did manage a massive toothy smile (her first since she's been in hospital) when I arrived. Otherwise slow, steady progress again which the Doctors are more than happy with.
Hi, a really quiet day of Laura being sedated and healing again. No news, again, is good news!
Laura had another good day. She was mostly asleep with the sedation but the Doctors are pleased with her and her recovery from pneumonia. All good with little to report again.
Laura went back onto the original ventilator this afternoon and has responded well. She's still sedated while they assess how she copes. That said, she was still fighting it and trying to wake herself up. The plan is to begin reducing her medication from tomorrow- if she continues to respond well- and begin to assess how she is in herself. It's been a lovely day all told.
Harder day for Laura today as she's gone back onto the original ventilator and hasn't settled totally. She's running a bit of a temperature which is being investigated and is fighting to wake up from sedation despite being given enough to fell a horse. It's nothing to worry about but after days on end of positive news, today it's been neither positive nor negative. The Doctors remain calm and confident that her progress is in the right direction.
Laura's struggled with getting oxygen around her system since switching to the less intensive ventilator. It may be because her lungs were more damaged than originally suspected, or that there may be a secondary infection (this is being investigated) or that she simply wasn't quite ready to make the transition so soon. In practice this means that she'll need to be sedated and for her breathing to be supported for a while longer than originally hoped- but as yet no- one can say how long. On the positive side, when she comes round from the masses of sedation she needs (the staff are absolutely amazed how much she resists!) she is much more her old self. But her look of sadness as I explained I had to leave for the evening tonight broke my heart!
Laura had a lovely quiet day today. Lots of rest and little agitation which is what she needs. Nothing big is expected to happen over the weekend and that would be lovely if it happens because she'll be making slow, steady improvements.
Laura was very irritated by the breathing tube today and the Drs have decided that she'll have a tracheostomy. This is a breathing tube directly into the throat. It is much more comfortable for her, allows them to stop sedation, carries much less risk of infection and allows her to breathe for herself at times and not waste her chest muscles any further. This will happen on Monday if she's fit enough and if the hospital isn't too busy with injured soldiers. It sounds scary but is very routine and a normal next step. Afterwards she'll need to remain in Critical Care for 'a considerable period'.
Laura had a very quiet day today and her progress has been slow but steady. She may not be quite ready for the Tracheostomy procedure tomorrow, a decision will be made in the morning. Her temperature remains high and they'll run further tests in the morning. But overall she's been okay.
Just to let you all know that Laura isn’t having the procedure today as she isn’t quite ready.
Barring a decline in her health the procedure will go ahead tomorrow. She’s unchanged otherwise.
Fairly sure Laura will have the Tracheostomy tomorrow, her breathing has been better and more consistent today. She’s been asleep the whole day which is good. Her temperature is still up but tests have come back negative for infection twice now which is good. I’m off to bed; watching someone sleep is exhausting!
Just to let you know the Doctor’s are planning to go ahead with the tracheostomy ‘at some point this afternoon’. I’m going to try and stay overnight to be there when she wakes from sedation.
Hi, the tracheostomy went well and she’s going to be automatically ventilated and sedated overnight. The staff seem pleased. There was a slight wobble during the procedure when her heartrate dropped but they pumped her with some drugs and that sorted her out. Fingers crossed again.
Hello again, Laura is now breathing for herself via the ventilator (she’s going to be dependent upon that for a while yet). Some of the sedation has been lightened (she’s on four types, one stopped and two reduced) and so the long slow process of waking up starts now. Although her lung injury is still the highest immediate concern, we can hopefully begin to assess what extent of brain injury she received during the coma. Obviously this could be very serious but the staff can’t make any assessment or predictions yet. At the outset we were told chances of a full recovery were very slim and nothing’s happened to change that. We must all remain hopeful obviously but also be prepared for a long wait and the possibility of a very different Laura than we knew.
Laura had a FANTASIC day today. The sedation was lightened and she came around a lot. She drifts in and out of dreams with her eyes open and in between gurning, laughing and crying at hallucinations (she’s medicated, give her a break!) she was able to see and hear, to understand and respond to questions by nodding or shaking her head, to recognize me and a couple of her friends, to be a complete pain in the arse to the nurse by keep trying to pull her tubes out and to give me a kiss goodbye! She can speak but because of the tracheostomy no sound is made and she is getting incredibly frustrated with my ability to lip read. She was worn out by the end of the day but she deserved to be. The prospects are much better than they could have been.
Laura’s day was much quieter today. Having been awake for most of the night she slept most of the day. When awake she was mostly delirious with a few moments of lucidity (I’m assuming the moment when she appeared to call me a wanker wasn’t one of them!). She is making progress with her breathing but struggles after a while and the support has to be increased again – this is why it will take time as she gradually weaned off the ventilator. Doing ok though.
Hi all. I’m fairly confident that no matter what a huge battering her lungs have taken, Laura’s brain and personality remains intact. It is wonderful to know I still have her to love and be bossed around by. In her still rare lucid moments, she is very much the same old Laura – sadly with the same old problems, but better to have her needing help than not to have her at all!
Laura slept ALL DAY again, but that’s okay. There was a lot of good stuff done on increasing her lung strength today though. Nothing else to report except she has some kind of boxing gloves on to stop her pulling out tubes from her nose, throat or arm. She doesn’t look much like a boxer to me.
Laura made a lot of good progress on the ventilator today. She’s very down in the dumps and frustrated but getting better and stronger. She had lots of visitors and was knackered by the end of the day so hopefully she’ll have a nice peaceful night. They’re increasing her support overnight to let her rest.
Laura did largely unsupported breathing for most of today. She exhausted herself doing it but this is way ahead of what we’ve been told to expect. It’s amazing. I can’t tell you how exciting it is seeing such rapid and unexpected improvements!
Another great day for Laura. She spent an hour out of bed on a special armchair and has also been moved to a quieter and less intensive part of the Intensive Care ward. She is now accelerating beyond expectations at pace. If only that would stop her being bored and frustrated!
Sorry for the late message, my phone died and I’ve only just got in. Laura had a wobble overnight when she needed to be sedated and put on a ventilator, nothing to worry about and she’s back to where she was last night after a good day. So it isn’t plain sailing but still going the right way.
Laura had another steady day. She had moments of being more animated than she has been before, but was mostly drowsy or actually fast asleep. The medical staff are pleased with her progress though and that’s good enough for me.
Laura was awake and alert for most of today. She was the most herself she’s been and it was really lovely spending the day with her, she didn’t seem that down about being stuck in the hospital for a change!
Laura had another nice day. She had a speaking valve fitted at one point but found it exhausting. She’s begun to realize how ill she is and has been. The Doctors have replaced the tracheostomy tube with another type which should make the speaking valve less difficult. I have to say though, that it was lovely to hear her voice for the first time since January 27th, no matter how croaky it was!
Hello everyone, Laura has had the tracheostomy tube removed and is doing brilliantly. She is talking, albeit weakly, and has stood up with support and has been sat in her chair for about four hours. Wonderful stuff again!
Laura is out of intensive care! She’s not on a ventilator either. Admittedly she’s now on a ward that looks like the set of the film Cocoon, but it’s still really fantastic news!
Just wanted to let you know that Laura is still doing really well. She’s been walking with the assistance of a zimmer frame for a couple of days and even took a shower this morning – after that her legs were knackered for the rest of today as she’s been pushing herself hard for two days. There as been a suggestion and no more than that, that she may be discharged in about a week. Her lungs are stronger bit-by-bit and her memory is getting better at recalling things but also storing short-term memories, which has been a concern. In short, she’s a (slowly) walking miracle! I’m so proud of her.
Hi Everyone. Good news and bad news for Laura today. The good news is that she’s being discharged tomorrow. The bad news is that there’s six week’s worth of housework waiting for her when she gets home!
Friday, 15 January 2010
Remaking Federico Fellini’s 8½
These notes are going to be longer than they deserve, convoluted, clumsy, almost entirely narcissistic and pointless which is more than fitting for the film.
So it began when I agreed to accompany my good friend The Leader to a showing of The Road and, because I necessarily had a couple of hours to kill first, I took in Rob Marshall’s abominable remake of Fellini’s masterpiece. I’d already seen a film called 9 which looked good but was soulless and bereft of wit in the last few months; the odds on another must have been long but such is life.
I didn’t know anything about the film as I entered the theatre, other than the stellar list of actors involved. I didn’t know that it was a remake of one of my most beloved films or who the director was (and indeed still is). Rob Marshall is, of course, the guy who made Chicago. I haven’t seen that- why would I?- but he seems to have been keen to repeat the trick here. There’s a lot of supposition there and here’s some more: Rob Zombie would have been a better choice for this film than Marshall. The point of the film is obviously to document a film director’s struggle for inspiration as he comes to terms with the tangles of his personal life. Quite where the idea to interweave this inner turmoil with mediocre show tunes and spangle-clad semi-nude starlets came from I have no idea. It sounds like an idea that was pitched to a producer for a bet.
Daniel Day-Lewis is a fine actor but sells himself short here too. I read an interview with him where he described the process for becoming Daniel Plainview, he said “I found the voice I wanted to use and began work upon him from there”; with Guido Contini he appears to have got the voice and then ended his work upon him there. Likewise a cast of female stars with differing levels of talent (Cruz and Dench at one end, Kate Hudson very much at the other) do just enough in the scenes between the songs.
The overall result is a very dull, ponderous, shallow waste of celluloid. Where Fellini projected his spirit into the film, Marshall sucks the life out of it. But, on the bright side, I did find myself with the recently rare luxury of having time to myself to absorb myself in my thoughts and I worked through some memories and emotions that I hadn’t really touched upon while I was bored with what was happening on-screen.
The protagonist in the movie is, of course, troubled by the fall-out from his irresistible philandering and I was reminded of a line from a Jack Nicholson biography that had a big impact upon me during my formative and highly-suggestible teens: “Jack had never claimed that monogamy was a virtue”. Wanting to be like Jack Nicholson- and what teenage boy wouldn’t- I took this as my mantra and spent the larger part of my adulthood with a spectacularly tangled and troubling personal life. This isn’t anything I’m proud of; it caused pain, heartache, regret and most of all the lost opportunity for happy memories. It also isn’t anything I’ve really thought about since but as a young man, you do seek affirmation and reassurance and you are clumsy and awkward and make mistakes and during the brain-numbingly boring film I found the time to make peace with myself for the events of the 1990s. I was just a kid and I know better now. I thought back to Jimmy Webb’s baroque masterpiece “MacArthurPark” and the line “after all the loves of my life, you’ll still be the one” and reflected upon my good fortune to meet my wife while I was readying myself to grow up and leave behind my careless, selfish, needy, philandering alcoholic ways to become a good and strong and devoted and supportive husband. I could see errors of my own being replayed upon the screen and I know now why I made them and how to forgive myself and why I could never make them again.
None of this is to in any way excuse or condone or show approval of the dreadful spectacle which was being projected above my head throughout the process. It is an indictment upon Nine that I was able to concentrate so easily upon strong and difficult memories. No, I have nothing positive to say about the film at all. But I do have questions about it or, more, specifically about the making of it. What is Marshall saying by making this? Is the conceit that he is the new Fellini? Or that the Maestro’s visual brilliance and deft weaving of fantasy and reality are no match for his rapid-cutting gaudiness? Who in the world could really consider the addition of some show tunes to be the key to making 8½ even better? I simply don’t get it.
8½ could be remade in theory- there is space for reinterpretation in the structure and for a different linearity of narrative; but in truth it is a film made by Fellini for Fellini and about Fellini. That the world is fortunate enough to be privy to seeing is the result of the Auteur being a film-maker and not a diarist or some other more personalised passion. And, if you think about it, the film already has been remade by Woody Allen as a broad farce in the hit-and-miss What’s New Pussycat? And so we’ve already had all the reinvention we need.
There are no show tunes in What’s New Pussycat? either, by the way. It’s a million times better than Nine.
So it began when I agreed to accompany my good friend The Leader to a showing of The Road and, because I necessarily had a couple of hours to kill first, I took in Rob Marshall’s abominable remake of Fellini’s masterpiece. I’d already seen a film called 9 which looked good but was soulless and bereft of wit in the last few months; the odds on another must have been long but such is life.
I didn’t know anything about the film as I entered the theatre, other than the stellar list of actors involved. I didn’t know that it was a remake of one of my most beloved films or who the director was (and indeed still is). Rob Marshall is, of course, the guy who made Chicago. I haven’t seen that- why would I?- but he seems to have been keen to repeat the trick here. There’s a lot of supposition there and here’s some more: Rob Zombie would have been a better choice for this film than Marshall. The point of the film is obviously to document a film director’s struggle for inspiration as he comes to terms with the tangles of his personal life. Quite where the idea to interweave this inner turmoil with mediocre show tunes and spangle-clad semi-nude starlets came from I have no idea. It sounds like an idea that was pitched to a producer for a bet.
Daniel Day-Lewis is a fine actor but sells himself short here too. I read an interview with him where he described the process for becoming Daniel Plainview, he said “I found the voice I wanted to use and began work upon him from there”; with Guido Contini he appears to have got the voice and then ended his work upon him there. Likewise a cast of female stars with differing levels of talent (Cruz and Dench at one end, Kate Hudson very much at the other) do just enough in the scenes between the songs.
The overall result is a very dull, ponderous, shallow waste of celluloid. Where Fellini projected his spirit into the film, Marshall sucks the life out of it. But, on the bright side, I did find myself with the recently rare luxury of having time to myself to absorb myself in my thoughts and I worked through some memories and emotions that I hadn’t really touched upon while I was bored with what was happening on-screen.
The protagonist in the movie is, of course, troubled by the fall-out from his irresistible philandering and I was reminded of a line from a Jack Nicholson biography that had a big impact upon me during my formative and highly-suggestible teens: “Jack had never claimed that monogamy was a virtue”. Wanting to be like Jack Nicholson- and what teenage boy wouldn’t- I took this as my mantra and spent the larger part of my adulthood with a spectacularly tangled and troubling personal life. This isn’t anything I’m proud of; it caused pain, heartache, regret and most of all the lost opportunity for happy memories. It also isn’t anything I’ve really thought about since but as a young man, you do seek affirmation and reassurance and you are clumsy and awkward and make mistakes and during the brain-numbingly boring film I found the time to make peace with myself for the events of the 1990s. I was just a kid and I know better now. I thought back to Jimmy Webb’s baroque masterpiece “MacArthurPark” and the line “after all the loves of my life, you’ll still be the one” and reflected upon my good fortune to meet my wife while I was readying myself to grow up and leave behind my careless, selfish, needy, philandering alcoholic ways to become a good and strong and devoted and supportive husband. I could see errors of my own being replayed upon the screen and I know now why I made them and how to forgive myself and why I could never make them again.
None of this is to in any way excuse or condone or show approval of the dreadful spectacle which was being projected above my head throughout the process. It is an indictment upon Nine that I was able to concentrate so easily upon strong and difficult memories. No, I have nothing positive to say about the film at all. But I do have questions about it or, more, specifically about the making of it. What is Marshall saying by making this? Is the conceit that he is the new Fellini? Or that the Maestro’s visual brilliance and deft weaving of fantasy and reality are no match for his rapid-cutting gaudiness? Who in the world could really consider the addition of some show tunes to be the key to making 8½ even better? I simply don’t get it.
8½ could be remade in theory- there is space for reinterpretation in the structure and for a different linearity of narrative; but in truth it is a film made by Fellini for Fellini and about Fellini. That the world is fortunate enough to be privy to seeing is the result of the Auteur being a film-maker and not a diarist or some other more personalised passion. And, if you think about it, the film already has been remade by Woody Allen as a broad farce in the hit-and-miss What’s New Pussycat? And so we’ve already had all the reinvention we need.
There are no show tunes in What’s New Pussycat? either, by the way. It’s a million times better than Nine.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Style and Depression
I was talking with a guy who shares an interest in Mod style who had suffered from depression over the years. I suggested that fastidiousness in dress was probably helpful and he replied that it wasn't something he'd considered.
The conversation moved on quickly to happier topics, but the thought stayed with me. Smart dressing and taking a general pride in one's appearance, and therefore oneself, should be very therapeutic for sufferers of depression I would have thought. In my experience (of living with someone suffering from depression not as a sufferer personally) that kind of purpose and motivation is something that a sufferer of depression struggles to find. And I believe that, even if it begins artificially or under suggestion, finding that it in a pride in your appearance could be a great aid to the healing process.
The conversation moved on quickly to happier topics, but the thought stayed with me. Smart dressing and taking a general pride in one's appearance, and therefore oneself, should be very therapeutic for sufferers of depression I would have thought. In my experience (of living with someone suffering from depression not as a sufferer personally) that kind of purpose and motivation is something that a sufferer of depression struggles to find. And I believe that, even if it begins artificially or under suggestion, finding that it in a pride in your appearance could be a great aid to the healing process.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
A Rare Feeling of Victory
Left work at midday because of the impending snowdrifts. Someone I work with said he wanted to stay and that people needed to get a grip but to me it felt like an unexpected gift of an extra few hours just for me.
Marge:
"The plant called and they said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday."
Homer:
"Woo hoo! Four day weekend!"
Marge:
"The plant called and they said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday."
Homer:
"Woo hoo! Four day weekend!"
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Oral B Vitality Dual-Clean Electric Toothbush
Greetings from Selly Oak hospital.
Yesterday morning while I was having a refreshing early morning shower there came a knock at my front door. I reached across to open the window as I could see through the patterned glass that it was the postman delivering some much-needed Wilson Anti-Slice golf balls ad was keen for him to wait.
Our windowsill is the best part of eighteen inches wide and so to open the window fully I had to lean quite far. As wicked misfortune would have it my wet size five feet slipped at just this moment and I landed with full force upon this:
This item entered my armpit and sliced its way through to the back of my collarbone only failing to cut its way out of the other side because my supple skin retains the elasticity of youth. It simply bulged out instead giving me the appearance of a man growing a second head.
Now I've never stabbed myself in the armpit with an electric toothbrush before and so I wasn't entirely up-to-speed with the usual procedure for dealing with such an occurrence. I simply chose to pull it out.
Those of you who are familiar with the technical specifications of the Oral B Vitality Dual-Clean electric toothbrush will be aware that it is equipped with a detachable head. Half-wit that I am, I didn't pull the toothbrush back out I merely detached its head.
And so it came to pass that I spent yesterday afternoon under general anaesthetic undergoing an operation to remove the detachable head of an electric toothbrush from inside my shoulder. I have been told that I will have to be in hospital for a couple more days yet- presumably so that none of the nursing teams miss out on the chance to take the piss out of me. But it is of some consolation to know that I can at least rely upon you, my friends, not to laugh.
Thank you for your sympathy. Here is an X-Ray of my toothbrush and shoulder in glorious monochrome:
Yesterday morning while I was having a refreshing early morning shower there came a knock at my front door. I reached across to open the window as I could see through the patterned glass that it was the postman delivering some much-needed Wilson Anti-Slice golf balls ad was keen for him to wait.
Our windowsill is the best part of eighteen inches wide and so to open the window fully I had to lean quite far. As wicked misfortune would have it my wet size five feet slipped at just this moment and I landed with full force upon this:
This item entered my armpit and sliced its way through to the back of my collarbone only failing to cut its way out of the other side because my supple skin retains the elasticity of youth. It simply bulged out instead giving me the appearance of a man growing a second head.
Now I've never stabbed myself in the armpit with an electric toothbrush before and so I wasn't entirely up-to-speed with the usual procedure for dealing with such an occurrence. I simply chose to pull it out.
Those of you who are familiar with the technical specifications of the Oral B Vitality Dual-Clean electric toothbrush will be aware that it is equipped with a detachable head. Half-wit that I am, I didn't pull the toothbrush back out I merely detached its head.
And so it came to pass that I spent yesterday afternoon under general anaesthetic undergoing an operation to remove the detachable head of an electric toothbrush from inside my shoulder. I have been told that I will have to be in hospital for a couple more days yet- presumably so that none of the nursing teams miss out on the chance to take the piss out of me. But it is of some consolation to know that I can at least rely upon you, my friends, not to laugh.
Thank you for your sympathy. Here is an X-Ray of my toothbrush and shoulder in glorious monochrome:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)