Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Love, Honour and Obey (2000)

The guiltiest of guilty pleasures. A pointless, childish, shabby, guileless, ugly, cheap film that is little more than a home video of Ray Winstone and some of his mates pissing about. I love it.

The plot, such as it is, involves a bored postman who works his way up the heirarchy of a London gang only to find out that it isn't as glamorous, exciting or dangerous as a Scorcese film and so tries to stir things up a little. But the plot is largely irrelevant. The film is a set of largely extemporised scenes where established British actors mug for the camera and try to make each other corpse. It's as childish as a fart in a lift.

I'm not going to talk about performances, cinematography, continuity errors and logical flaws in the plot. They're all rubbish and miss the point. Instead I'll limit my notes thus:


Top 5 things I liked about Love, Honour and Obey.


Almost every character is given the actor's forename so that they don't balls up any improvised scenes and lose something that looks natural.

The heist scene where they dress like Arab sheiks and pop viagra is staggeringly audacious for the sake of a knob gag.

Sean "Don't mac me off like a two-bob"
Ray (aside) "Mac? What's that some new kind of slang we don't know?"

Rhys Ifans taking it all very seriously even while everyone else is giggling.

"Fix bayonets!"

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Top 5 Anniversary presents for the lady in your life

Flowers from the petrol station
A frying pan
Something (anything) made by Elizabeth Duke
Peephole underwear
Two tickets to a midweek away game

Monday, 18 January 2010

Top 5 "I don't personally know a bloke named”

Maurice
Keiron
Wilf
Barney
Theo

Friday, 8 January 2010

Bowie's Birthday Top 5s

Bowie gets two for being twice as good as Elvis.

Top 5 Bowie songs

Heroes
Sound and Vision
Ashes to Ashes
Life on Mars
Young Americans

Top 5 Bowie song titles

Chant Of The Ever Circling Skeletal Family
Unwashed And Somewhat Slightly Dazed
Joe The Lion
Always Crashing In The Same Car
Up The Hill Backwards

Happy Birthday Elvis, Here's Your Top 5

Mystery Train
Don't Be Cruel
Suspicious Minds (being overplayed doesn't stop it being wonderful)
[Marie's The Name] His Latest Flame
A Mess Of Blues

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Top 5 Sunday songs

Lazy Sunday
Sunday Morning
Every Day is Like Sunday
Sunday Girl
Sunday Sunday

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Top 5 underrated bands

Dexy's Midnight Runners
Super Furry Animals
Bee Gees
The Byrds
Wire

Monday, 14 December 2009

Top 5 Aliens

Marvin the Martian
Thomas Jerome Newton
Kodos
Klaatu
Kang

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Top 5 German Things

Krautrock
The birth of the Reformation
That funny B sign that means "ss"
And, I suppose, the SS
Expressionist cinema

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Top 5 Famous Person Anagrams

Caster Semenya – Yes! A secret man
Virginia Bottomley – I’m an evil Tory bigot
Nigel Lawson – We all sign-on
Michael Barrymore – I’m a merry bachelor
Eric Clapton – Narcoleptic

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Top 5 Female Fuzz

Cagney
Juliet Bravo
WPC June Ackland
DCI Jane Tennyson
Kima Griggs

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Top 5 Sweet songs

Sugar Sugar
Sweets for my Sweet
Kandy Pop
Suck
Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

Monday, 30 November 2009

Top 5 songs with Skinhead in the title

The Sad Skinhead - Faust
Hippie and the Skinhead - Peter Wyngarde
Skinhead Girl - Symarip
Skinhead Moonstomp – Symarip
Skinhead a Bash Them - Claudette and The Corporation

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Top 5 women from Eastenders that you wouldn’t chat up

Dot Cotton
Fat Pat
Gary Oldman's sister
Ethel and her little Willie
That fat one who looks like John Travolta on the posters for 'Hairspray'

Friday, 13 November 2009

Top 5 Chav Beers

Carling
Budweiser
Holsten
Fosters
Tennent's Super

Friday, 6 November 2009

Top 5 Horse songs

My Lovely Horse - Father Ted Crilly and Father Dougal Maguire
The Horse - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones
Chestnut Mare - The Byrds (glossing over the uncomfortable "she'll be just like a wife" sentiment)
Do It Better - Happy Mondays

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Top 5 rubbish forenames for men

Ian
Tim
Neville
Peter
Simon

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Top 5 Poets

Brent
McGonagle
The chief verse writer at Clinton Cards
Rik
Early finishes on Friday

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Top 5 Beach Boys Songs

Good Vibrations
God Only Knows
Hang On To Your Ego
I Get Around
Student Demonstration Time