Having taken voluntary redundancy in order to return to university and complete the studies required to qualify as a solicitor I find myself with a dilemma. The opportunity of doing so relies upon achieving a training contract and these were already thin on the ground before the recession began to bite. With the prospect of a double-dip recession or, at best, slow and uncertain growth in the economy this shows no sign of improving and for a man who will be approaching his forties, the chances of taking one of just a few thousand places in a field where there are sometimes hundreds of applicants per place the odds are against success. I need to be pragmatic about this; the qualification will be little problem to achieve, but using it could prove nigh-on impossible. Without a network of contacts, without much directly relevant experience, without an impressive first degree and with my age, the economy and the financial imperative to earn immediately against me I have little hope of completing the journey I had started out upon. Better to lose a couple of hundred quid course deposit now than five grand cash and eight grand in debt on course fees for a qualification I can’t use.
And the dilemma is “what do I do instead?”.
I suppose my main driver in returning to study law was the financial security for my wife and I- capitalism is vile but one has to exist within it and make the best of it as things stand. I also hoped to be in a position to provide help to people who need it and can’t get it- my Aunt runs a charity providing refuge to victims of domestic violence and free legal advice would be of inestimable value to them. Another driver was a sense of unfinished business; although I never really saw myself becoming a solicitor I did embark upon that journey and for someone who rarely finishes what he starts, it seemed “a good idea”.
When I decided to use the opportunity of redundancy to become a solicitor, my other possible course of action was to retrain as a teacher and- with the legal profession proving a non-starter to me- it would be fair to assume that the silver medallist will be my fallback position. And it probably will be, though I can’t help the nagging feeling I have that I should maybe consider other options first.
In any case I am off to visit my Aunt (the aforementioned charitable Aunt as it happens) and her son and daughter-in-law to be, both of whom are teachers and will hopefully help me to clarify my thoughts on teaching. And so, I’m going to gather my thoughts on the way there.
Teaching is often seen as the easy option for graduates who fail in their chosen career (“those who can’t teach”) but I don’t think that I deserve that tag. I don’t actually have a chosen career unless you can count “being Keith Richards” as one. And yes, I did fail at that. No, my view of teaching isn’t in any way negative in the way that it might be for people using it as a safety net. Informed by the great teachers I had in some very bad schools, I have a far higher opinion of the profession and- as with my decision to stop caring for adults with learning disabilities because I wasn’t able to do the job justice (nor stop the counter-productive direction of the trust that I worked for)- I worry that I won’t be a great teacher. I know that I have the qualities to do so- patience, resilience, the ability to engage and connect- but I still have the fear. If I didn’t respect the profession, then I wouldn’t have.
When I was considering transitioning to teaching last year I was focusing upon teaching young adults but I feel differently now. Give me the boy at five and I will give you the man- or whatever the saying is- sums up my feelings at the moment. To provide the positive intervention that I would hope to and make the lasting impact that the children deserve, I think I would want to engage with them at an earlier age; primary school certainly, perhaps as young as infant classes. The more I think about it the more “right” it “feels”- and here again is a cause for anxiety, is “feeling right” sufficiently strong to support a career change like this? If I follow it, then one would hope so.
I think I am pretty set upon that course of action and my plan to get there begins as soon as the decision is made- or as soon as is necessary in case the decision is made should I exhibit a hitherto undiscovered streak of indecisiveness.
And what does this mean for my idea of considering other career paths? Well, in truth, I don’t want any of them. I could make a career in training, management or something or else retrain as an accountant but these are ideas based upon financial security alone or, even worse, expedience. And I deserve better than an old age filled with regrets.
At least I hope that I do.
