The disaster I refer to is not, surprisingly enough, the Albion's embarrassing 6-0 humping at the hands of a Chelsea team who didn't even need to get out of first gear. No, though there is a slight relation to that, this was far worse.
As I sat in the Lord Clifden watching the game I reached for my lemonade and, not taking my eyes from the screen, took a swig. The disaster is that I'd actually grabbed ChromeDome's beer and only realised as the mouthful I had taken hit my tastebuds. I didn't drink it, I spat it all over the floor (as discreetly as such an act can possibly be performed) then ran to the toilets and washed my mouth out several times in the sink. When I got back to the bar I quickly ordered and drank a a coffee to get rid of the taste.
So, I didn't drink any but I did taste some. And now my head is consumed by it. I know that I'm going to find this difficult to deal with, it is already popping into my head frequently and in curious ways- as articulated thoughts, as uncomfortable sensations, as flashbacks to the taste. I have never been in this position before. I have never been in a comparable position either and so I don't really know how this will pan out.
In May this year I was drinking Fentiman's Victorian Lemonade when CD (again!) noticed that the label read something like 'contains no more than 0.2% alcohol'. Well obviously I stopped immediately but realistically I knew that it was merely there as a precaution and not indicative of any likely alcoholic content. I coped with that because I knew that it really was just fermented lemon juice as a pop and so the warning was added for unlikely circumstances. I knew I hadn't ingested anything that could cause me to lapse. That's how I coped then.
And then about four years ago in a fancy restaurant I had a cheese board which included a cheese which I later came to understand had been injected with wine during the preparation process. That freaked me out a bit because it was wine but realistically I knew that there was no likelihood of any alcohol being ingested, it isn't wine or beer that is the problem for an alcoholic after all it is the alcohol within them. Theoretically I would be fine with an alcohol-free lager but I have never tried because I simply didn't want to be put in a position of being familiar with the taste of alcohol- even a synthesised one- as I didn't fully trust myself to resist the temptation presented. Well, that's where I am now. It's been six and a half years but an alcoholic is still an alcoholic- in the blue book it talks about people falling back into alcoholism over three decades later! In AA I heard about people lapsing after accidentally ingesting mouthwash which contained alcohol- I'm scrupulous in our not buying that of course- but did I ingest any of the beer when it hit my tastebuds? I know that I didn't take in enough to cause a real physiological change- in fact I probably didn't ingest any at all- but there is an element of doubt there and that (allied to the memory of the taste) is deeply troubling.
I am, in truth, petrified of falling off the wagon and this fear has always been my guard. But now the enemy has a new weapon and my armour has yet to be tested against it.
Tough times.
