Ten Essentials

An acquaintance whom I hold in high regard asked me what ten essentials a good wardrobe should be built around. Here was my answer:


1) A pair of brogues. Go for Loake's, Grensons or Church's. Tan will go with jeans and a shirt just as easily as with a navy or grey suit. Keep shoe-trees in them when you aren't wearing them. You can just go for things like Samuel Windsor and they look the part at first but they fall apart whereas you can wear proper brogues for decades.

2) Proper jeans. This is the obvious one and you've already got them so there's not too much to say. What matters is fit and weight of denim- cheap jeans are thinner and lose all of their shape after the first wash (because the starch or whatever is washed out). If someone tells you just to get 501s, ignore them: the shape of 501s changes every few years (they're currently in that awful carrot shape that media tits wear). If you can get genuine 1947 or 1966 501s- or reissues- then you're well away. Edwins are great, APC and Nudie too. Selvedge denim (turn-ups with a red edge are a good indicator) are usually a great indicator of quality but a few tatty ones have been coming out in the last few yeats from the likes of Henleys. For a bargain, look at Uniqlo's Japanese denim range (but it must be the Japanese denim). By the way, if you get Dry or Raw denim it has to be worn hundreds of times before you wash it to make it look great. If you need to freshen them up, whack them in the freezer for a day and then on the line.

3) A sports jacket (it's basically a blazer). This is brilliant because it entirely suits any environment depending what you wear it with (and it'll go with anything). Navy is the obvious choice- gold buttons optional- and you can't really go wrong with it but I've seen all kind look great. Tweeds are especially fashionable at the minute and will be for at least a couple of years.

4) Cotton Oxford shirts (Oxford indicates the way the cotton's weaved, I can't describe it but you'll know it when you see it). It's usually a button-down so it's casual obviously. Blues and pinks are great, gingham I love (but that's a Mod/Skin/Suede heritage thing as much as anything else). Ralph Lauren do the original (well, except for Brooks Brothers who really were first but you can't get them over here unless you really look and they tend to be really, really boxy) but as long as it's 100% cotton and fits well, then who cares? I used to have one in white from Asda and it was lovely, cost about three quid.
4a) depending on how often you get dressed up, you'll want at least one really nice dress shirt too: white, traditional collar, much finer cotton (they can be a bit see-through so mind out if you're hairy) and with a French cuff. Dress shirts and novelty cuff-links are not a great way to command respect in social situations.

5) Polo shirts. It can be tough finding good polo shirts because so many people buy shit ones that manufacturers flood the market with them. Fred Perrys especially are usually tat unless you get the made in Italy or, at a push, made in Portugal ones. They charge a lot more for these, obviously. Daniel Craig's James Bond wears Sunspel polos which look great and have a good reputation, but I've never seen them in the flesh. By the way unlike with shoes, do not under any circumstances buy from ebay it is flooded with fakes. Also, don't buy golf shirts which are cut entirely differently and are deliberately too loose to allow for the swing. If you're really treating yourself get a knitted Italian Fred Perry one, they're lovely.

6) Chinos. I'm including these because they're the key trouser in fashion at the moment and coincidentally (I sincerely hope) my current favourite. I hated them for years because I associated them with that pleated, turn-up, Rick Astley/Jive Bunny look and now that I've got over them I've fallen in love with them. They're basically jeans which you can get away with where you couldn't wear jeans. Beneath a denim shirt is teh best example. Most are much too baggy (especially pleated ones- any pleats automatically add unnecessary cloth). I love Dockers D-Zero but most people find D-1 quite skinny enough. I'm told that Gap 1969 range are good. You're looking for weight of cloth, as with jeans.

7) Raincoat. The reason this is so important is that you can be wearing a £200 polo shirt, perfect jeans and all anyone can see is your raincoat. No-one ever seems to realise this! Obviously it's a matter of taste, but in my opinion you want a fly front (hidden buttons), no epaulettes, full lining and adjusters at cuff-level. The problem with this is that the best ones are also worn by Casuals, so if you're at the match in it the police will be videoing you. I'm after a new one of these and I'll be honest I have never had one I'm totally happy with. I'd love a Mackintosh, but they never make them in my miniature size- nor do Burberry or Aquascutum, nor any of the established names. I also want one in ice blue which no-one on earth makes. If I can find the money, I'm hoping to get one made bespoke next year or the year after. Until then it will probably be one from Jump The Gun.

8) Merino knitwear. You're already all over this I know, but it really is essential. Smedley if you're feeling flush and Uniqlo or Gap if you're on a budget. You must remember that light colours under dark Merino show through like a Global Hypercolour.

9) A brilliant suit. If you can't get one made bespoke (and if you use someone like asuitthatfits.com it really isn't as expensive as you'd think), then pick a top quality one Boss or Ralph Lauren or something and hope that it comes out in the sales. If you make it distinctive (pinstripe or double-breasted, for example) you limit the things you can wear it with and so it looks like you always wear the same suit. Get a charcoal one in wool (or maybe navy), two or three buttons (three looks better but I often settle for a two as a concession to being short), American (1 vent) or British (2 vents) and check the way the shoulder fits when you try it on. Anything can be altered on an off-the-peg jacket to make it look perfect, but shoulders cost a fortune and you need a really good tailor to get them right. I had to spend £135 getting a Gap sports jacket that only cost £40 to buy in the first place right!

10) A peacoat. They're all over the place again this winter but don't worry about that, this is the best coat for our climate if you can find one that fits snugly over warm winter jumpers. Avoid anything with unnecessary zips, epaulettes, buttons with anchors on (to my shame I have one but I'll be changing them soon), press-studs, colours or labels because that will make it look old as soon as fashion rejects them- which I expected last winter. Get a classic one and it will look new forever. Plain, double-breasted, woollen and in navy. It goes with jeans and with a suit trainers or a suit. It is perfect.

One last thing, the trick to getting away with just a few good quality essentials is to wear accessories that change them. It depends, of course, on what you're comfortable with. I shy away from hats- contrary to my reputation- but wear some of the gayest scarves in history. This is where you get the most compliments and, also, the most stick. The amounts rise and fall proportionately.

"Like A Bread Delivery Boy"

is how Laura described me as looking when I got back from the match yesterday.

Playboy Of The West End World

1992-1997 was when I most avidly read the muic press and I can still visualise many of the magazines now. This NME one (5 March 1994) featured Damon from Blur wearing a dark grey suit jacket and burgundy polo neck.

I've had that image in my head ever since and finally had a go at it today!

Our Icicles

Technically they're not ours as they're hanging off Dave next door's guttering, but:

I Finally Finished Watching The Sopranos

You have to have an opinion on the finale I suppose.

It's too obvious that the guy in the Members Only jacket went to the toilet like Michael Corleone and then whacked Tony. I think that was the ultimate red herring. The point was that when Michael did it, the last thing in the world that it could be accused of being was obvious. If you think that the likeliest guy in the place doing what the unlikeliest guy in the place did is some kind of homage, then to me you're barking up the wrong tree.

That's not to say I liked the ending, I thought it was less intelligent and clear than everything that went before it. Chase was trying too hard to be mysterious. The beauty of using symbolism is that you only need to reference one thing, referencing ten misses the point.

Still thought it was a magnificent series, though. Second only to Mad Men.

Our Christmas Tree

This is perfectly representative of Laura and I:

My Winter Boots And High Turn-Ups

Keeping that dry denim out of the snow:

Which Rat Pack Member Are You?

My result was...

Frank Sinatra

You're the leader of the Pack. You call the shots and everyone knows it. You're generous to a fault and a friend in need is never an imposition. Your temper sometimes gets you into trouble, and some of the little people mistake your self-confidence for arrogance, but hey, that's why they're the little people.

I Am Back

Things have been shitty but there's always, always, always hope.

Laura is home and suffering surprisingly little in the way of physical after-effects. Emotionally is another matter entirely, but what are you gonna do eh?

I'll keep fighting and hope that she does too.

Nothing more to say on that today.

Another Overdose

It is 10pm on Sunday 14 November. Today at some time between about 10.30am and 1.30pm Laura took another potentially fatal overdose to try and end her life. Currently she is in the Critical Care Unit of the new QE hospital and I am in my bedroom typing this trying to find something, anything to take my mind off things while my subconscious sorts itself out.

The medical staff have sedated her (which seems odd with someone who has overdosed on sedatives) and she is  breathing with the assistance of a ventilator. She would be unable to breathe without it because of the sedation. At this point they don't know if she could breathe alone if she wasn't sedated- although she didn't actually stop breathing at any point on this occasion, which is a good sign.

I am in a state of limbo at the moment. I have cried a little a couple of times, but I am aware of an intense emotional bubble inside me that is being held back. My heart is broken but I am being protected by numbness, for how long I cannot know.

Tomorrow morning the medics are going to make a decision upon what damage has been done when they  receive the results of her toxicology reports, chest x-rays (she may have ingested something from her stomach into her lungs again, the last time this happened she developed very serious pneumonia) and when they try to wake her from the sedation.

I have no more words right now. Odd as it seems I have one more task which I will fulfill before trying to turn in for the night; Laura has selected but not bought a Christmas present for me. I now realise that this was part of her finalising things ahead of this event- which she believed that she would do even if she didn't know for sure. I am going to make the purchase while she is still with us as I think that's what she wanted. I know that it is bizarre, my head is all over the place!

I love Laura so very, very much that even if she doesn't pull through I know that I will feel that she is still with me for as long as I last without her.

Job Interview

I didn't realise how dirty the mirror is until I uploaded these photos. Shameful!

Ebay Round-Up

Cash received (including postage) £328.30

Postage costs £27.86
Accrued fees £55.53
Outstanding items to send 2x 1st class recorded parcels within UK, 1 airmail to Japan- estimated cost £12

Net cash received c. £233

Outstanding items listed 23.
Outstanding bids £36.20.

I was hoping to cover my new Ralph Lauren suit (a steal at £100), alterations (£154) and previous purchases (£75) with this round of sales, but it looks unlikely as things stand.

I have loads of things to list again once this round of sales is over, so it may need to be the long game. Either way, I'd have done a straight swap of the things I've sacrificed for the things I've gained, so who is worried really?

Tweedle fucking Dum

I took ten pairs of trouser/jeans/cords to the tailors for alteration yesterday, they're going to cost me £160 when I pick them up. All needed shortening and a couple needed tapering. As I said previously, I have real trouble getting anything off the peg with my 28 inch inside leg. The only trousers available in that leg size off the peg are for grotesquely fat cunts like whoever decides to buy these FIFTY-EIGHT inch waist (28" inside leg) cords that I saw on ebay must surely be.

It seems so unfair that I have to add up to twenty quid onto the cost of every pair of strides I buy as a punishment for not being obscenely overweight. It's not the money as much as the fact that it limits the purchases I can make.

Isn't being way outside the normally available range of waist sizes difficult enough for me?

Seen On E-Bay

Why didn't I buy this? I'm such an idiot.

Tom Eckersley And The Joy Of Discovering Something New

When I was looking for an appropriate picture for my last blog post 'Tidy', I found a smashing illustrated 'Keep Britain Tidy' poster to use. I was so pleased with it that I did a bit of digging about it. The guy who designed it is named Tom Eckersley and he was fantastic. I love his work, here are a few examples that will show why:

Tidy

Gave the house a bit of a tidy up earlier. As much as I'm naturally prone to leaving mess wherever I go and burying myself beneath piles in the smallest inhabitable space possible, I do love living in a tidy and clean space.

I must remember that. And pay more attention to it.

The Liz Coincidence

I fell out with a girl called Liz about twelve years ago. It was an amicable split in the end. We're Facebook friends and had a conversation about three years ago, but nothing else.

Then a couple of days ago I was reading the British Sea Power forum and it mentioned them playing at Brudenell Social Club in Leeds, which was on the same street that Liz lived when she moved there and where I knew her best. That was a reminder out of the blue.

And yesterday she sent me a message on Facebook "How are you? Would be nice to see you. Would that be impossible? Liz" which was completely unexpected and lovely.

Then tonight I went to see The Kids Are All Right featuring the actress Mia Wasikowski who I've never seen before but who was so reminiscent of an 18 year old Liz that it was uncanny. Things come in threes they say.

I've told her it would be great to see her but I doubt it'll ever happen.

This photo is the best I can do as an illustration of how similar they look, Liz would be 16 here:

A Look Stolen From The Black Ivy

This look is almost exactly what I've seen on the Black Ivy pages, I was really pleased with how it worked:

From CD's Stag Do

I've just come across this photo from Big CD's Stag Do at Ascot and I'm really pleased with how I took the uniform and made it look a little more like the 'Black Ivy' photos I was so excited about last month.

I wish I'd stayed in a hotel with an iron, though.

Even More On Clothes

Today I decided I would sort out my 'alterations' pile: the clothes I bought and haven't got around to altering yet. Being the size and build that I am, I have to buy items which don't fit off the peg almost all of the time...

I'm going to digress here for a moment. Why is it that I could buy jeans in any waist size from 34 upwards with a 30 or even a 28 inch inside leg, but when I want to buy a 28 inch waist, then it's almost always a 34 or at best a 32? Is it that uncommon to be that slim and short, or is it that there's an assumption that all short guys pile on the pounds? Imagine how much of a freak a guy with a 28 waist and 34 inside leg must look! It's so annoying. 

...and so I will buy things at a bargain price as I see them, or summer clothes in the winter and winter clothes in the summer and store them up for a trip to the tailors.

The alterations pile contained the following items:

• Two pairs of Levis cords; one in navy, one in tan.
• Three pairs of jeans; a pair of dry denim Wranglers, a pair of vintage red-tab pale blue Levis and a pair of white Levis.
• Two pairs of pale blue Ralph Lauren summer trousers (both brand new, why did I buy two identical pairs?).
• A pair of slim-fitting brown Duffer trousers in cotton.
• Five pairs of Sta-Prest; a deadstock pair of Levis in navy, a pair of Duffer in black, two pairs of Merc in cream and strawberry (these are the flimsiest sta-prests you will ever see) and another pair of deadstock Levis, this time in a shade between stone and tan.
• Two pairs of Farah hopsack weave in grey and brown.
• Two pairs of heavier weight woolen trousers; a beautiful pair in charcoal grey by Nicole Farhi and a darker pair, just off black, by All Saints.

It's ridiculous really isn't it? Seventeen pairs of unworn trousers in addition to all the pairs I have hanging already (and that's been rationed drastically to just eight).

I got tough, I decided to put seven of them on ebay, though that includes the strawberry Merc trousers which I'm still umming and aahing about- how often will I get the chance to buy some lightweight summer sta-prests in a fantastic colour like that? In fact even as I write about them, I know in the back of my mind that I'll keep them.

And so that's six for ebay (the spare Ralph Laurens, the cream Mercs, the two deadstock Levis Sta-Prests and the two pairs of Farahs). It doesn't sound like much to an outsider I imagine, but it feels like something of a betrayal.

The alteration bill for the keepers will be something like £140 which, now that I'm currently on Jobseeker's Allowance, is over two week's income. Sacrifices, sacrifices.

I hope that ebay- which I'll write more on soon- comes up trumps, I'm kind of relying upon it!