Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Watching Guy Ritchie play out his machismo-related hang-ups on the big screen can be a very tedious business. His last film, Rocknrolla, was the kind of insubstantial, tossed-off nonsense that should kill a career. He survives, though. On the strength of an admirable ability to get big names into his films and the reputation of his first two movies, he still gets the crowds that gets the finance rolling in for projects that he can project his tough-guy fantasies into.

This is the best film, he's made since Snatch. Which makes it the cinematic equivalent of the best Oasis album since Morning Glory. In other words, it appeals to diehard lad-fans and is mediocre. Getting in Robert Downey Jr a charismatic lead still on a career-high from Iron Man makes the film what it is really. The script, a bastardisation of the Conan Doyle canon with the wit and ingenuity replaced by bombastic effects and CGI fight scenes, is appalling. Unnecesarily episodic with logic gaps and clumsy dialogue throughout, it is clearly the last consideration that any of the people involved had.

There is no heart in this film, no joy, no spirit. It is a vacuum.

I sometimes feel that the best thing that could happen to Guy Ritchie would be to be given a miniscule budget to force him to winkle out the talent he has from behind the flash. That or counselling over his issues about brawling macho men, anyway.