Okay, on with the ludicrous plot. Damien- the devil’s son- has killed everyone who came to suspect his true identity and is being raised by his wealthy uncle. In the first film a black dog appeared whenever someone was about to die, I think the dog must’ve already had filming commitments for another movie as this most pivotal of roles has now been taken by a crow. It works like this- a scene looks normal, the crow appears, bombastic music begins playing, someone who suspects Damien’s true identity dies. In fact, one bloke dies just for trying to stop one of Damien’s acolytes (a bloke off Falcon Crest) from restricting the supply of foods to starving nations.
The deaths are the reason that people go to see these things and they range from the sublime (a Doctor finds that Damien has the cell structure of a jackal and takes a lift pressing to go down but the elevator has other ideas and takes the doctor to the top floor before plummeting at great speed causing the Doctor to be chopped in half as he lies on the floor) to the ridiculous (A reporter in a fabulous red coat tries to warn Damien’s adopted parents after seeing his face in a painting by a thirteenth century prophet- she is blinded by the crow in a fantastically unrealistic scene and staggers in front of a huge juggernaut which she seemingly can’t hear and which doesn’t stop after turning her into roadkill).
My favourite, though, is the opening scene where Rumpole of the Bailey and the bloke who Michael Caine chases down by the slagheaps in Get Carter are crushed by a falling roof after seeing a painting of the devil that supposedly looks like Damien. It doesn't really, this is Damien:
and this is the painting:
Come on, it looks far more like Juliette Lewis!
Anyway, the best part of the film is when a growing number of people learn of Damien’s secret identity. William Holden is already having serious doubts- I expect being told that your adopted son has the same cell structure as a jackal would do that to you- and an employee of Holden’s gets hold of Rumpole’s evidence (dug out of the collapsed archaeological site) and rushes to tell him. Holden refuses to listen but his son Mark- Damien’s closest friend- overhears and is convinced. Damien’s adopted mother is told by Holden what has gone on but doesn’t believe it.
Now that there are at least three possible candidates for the morgue, the pressure is really cranking up – it’s like eviction night in the Big Brother house. Who will get offed first? And how? The deaths have been increasingly elaborate and exciting, can it get any better than being bisected on an elevator floor? No. Of course it can’t. It was silly to even hope for it.
Mark goes out for a walk in the snow and is followed by Damien (and an ominous orchestra). They argue when Mark refuses to join The Devil’s gang and then the music stops while Damien tortures him by looking at him till his ears hurt and he falls down dead. A-ha I was right, they blew the budget on the lift scene as there are no special effects at all- not even music- just a kid clasping his hands to his ears and then falling over. Wank. Total wank.
Anyway, they all have to go now that they know- William Holden goes to visit his employee wearing a Burberry scarf and together they look at the thirteenth century painting which has been loaded onto a train. As he waits outside, the employee is crushed between a runaway train and a stationary one. William has seen the painting and seen the dead man. He knows that Damien is the son of The Devil and rushes back to meet his wife and Damien at the museum where the knives that Gregory Peck tried to kill Damien with in the original are held. Now I’d have fucking legged it sharpish but that’s why William Holden is a matinee idol and I’m a movie freak- he’s got king-sized balls and he doesn’t sweat killing Beelzebub in front of the devil’s adopted mother. But she stabs him dead first with the sarcastic words “there are your daggers”. She’d make a good James Bond. if she wasn’t in league with the devil- who also happens to be her son. Anyway, in gratitude Damien burns her and the museum to the ground. So now that everyone bar Damien is dead, the evidence is destroyed and the only weapons that can kill him are gone up in flames the film ends. Good.
It’s preposterous and it’s supposed to be but it’s just not unsettling and it’s supposed to be. The original combined both with aplomb. Getting it half-right isn't good enough. Getting the wrong half right is worse.
