Some time in the mid-90s I wrote to the Falklands Islands (can’t remember who but they didn’t have an FA) and said that I qualified to represent them as a British citizen- which is true- and that I’d played for a couple of years in the lower leagues- which most certainly isn’t.
I figured that they had a population of a couple of thousand. Half of them women, most too old or too young, many of whom would have never played the game- that didn’t leave a lot of competition. My thinking was I had to have a chance to become a fully-fledged football international and maybe even play in something like a World Cup qualifier. I could surely make the squad as cover…surely!
They replied- I kid you not- that they would be happy for me to join their squad and asked if I knew any other good players who might want to play for them. I couldn’t believe it, they weren’t even asking me to go for a trial! Happy days indeed. The letter proceeded to say that they had no fixtures planned and that, as they couldn’t afford to join FIFA, they didn’t know when they would have. Oh, and that I’d have to pay my own travel there and back if they did arrange a game. They did, though, offer to put me up in someone’s house if I went.
I never did go and, to the best of my knowledge, they’ve never played a game. My career as an interational footballer was thus short-lived and remarkably undecorated.
