I hated this. Hate, hate, hate. I hated it so much that I feel like quoting Melvyn Udall to emphasise the point. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
First off, the trivial reasons to hate the movie: it is horrible and contrived, it is effective but only inasmuch as the audience can see the predictable ending so far in advance that they feel chuffed with themselves when it eventually transpires. Every scene of every film I love is designed to provoke a certain reaction in the audience and so, to that extent, they are all contrived- but this is just so blatant. It tries every cheap trick in the book, it ladles on the syrup and relies upon the perpetually tearful star to tug at the heartstrings enough. The plot has more holes than a tennis racket, the visual style is flashy for the sake of it and I can only think of one performance that was credible (Anil Kapoor's). Oh, the movie as a piece of work is just terrible.
For all of that, it would have been looking at a one or two out of ten rating. But that would've merely been dislike and I don't just dislike this movie. This movie made me want to commit gross acts of unspeakable, inexcusable, hateful violence upon the makers. Yes, I am using the word hate here (cheers Melvyn).
Slumdog Millionaire capitalises on the squalour and poverty in parts of India for comedic effect. It is amoral, wretched and unprincipled. It was like that programme where Fergie went round council estates teaching people to eat fresh fruit. Just as there was no altruistic rationale behind her actions, there is nothing positive behind this film. None of the issues it inadvertently raises are tackled in any other way than demonstrating what a shit life some people have but it's okay because they can dream of winning a gameshow. The only ones who are shown improving themselves are the murderer, the gold-digger and the bloke who wins the gameshow. I don't think it reflects the reality that you can work your way out of the slum at all. The only job the kid from the slum can get is making the tea. Danny Boyle got a lot of unnecessary stick for glamorising drugs in the gritty, death-ridden anti-heroin advert that was 'Trainspotting', and here he's getting lauded for trivialising child poverty, abuse, murder, organised crime, police brutality and corruption to make this year's Juno'. Funny how things change.
All that Slumdog Millionaire does to elicit a laugh is to poke fun at the poor, the destitute, the unfortunate and the victimised. Hahaha, look at them- they sht in a big hole and pretend to be English in a call centre to make a living, aren't they funny? Listen to their accents as they pretend to know about Eastenders. Look at them scavenging food to eat and sleeping in rusted, abandoned vehicles in the rain. Isn't it funny- oh, I hope he wins the money and gets the girl who shagged his brother and will only leave her gangster pimp for him if he's rich, it'd be a lovely ending.
It is patronising and vile- like City of God remade as a Lionel Bart musical or a mobile phone advert. Just as I wouldn't ever go to a Freak Show, I wish I hadn't watched that. 0/10 and a very, very bitter aftertaste.
