Mona Lisa (1986)

This has been waiting on my shelf to be watched (on video, then on DVD) for the best part of twenty years. I've wanted to watch it since its cinema release, when I was too young. Eventually when I could watch it, I suddenly didn't want to as it could only be an anti-climax. And somehow over the years, that pessimism has become a belief that it's a poor film that I won't enjoy.

But I did enjoy it and, somewhat inevitably, it is neither as good as I once believed nor as bad as I once feared. 'Mona Lisa' stands as a relevant and pertinent story today (it should, it's simply a story of unrequited love) but looks horribly dated in style. There are lots of soft-focus close-ups of Tyson or of Tyson with Hoskins and it begins to look a bit like a Gold Blend advert. It is harsh, perhaps, to judge a film out of context like that, but it's how I feel. In addition to this Michael Caine plays- with the exception of his first appearance on screen when he actually has a crack at acting- Michael Caine. And there is a horrible Genesis song on the soundtrack. And the sight of Hoskins kicking two larger men during the closing scenes, when placed alongside two dwarves kicking one another, is reduced to farce when the tension really needs to be maintained and not relieved.

But aside from these minor quibbles, the film is good. Cathy Tyson plays a fine role, though her accent wavers occasionally this helps establish her as someone trying to conceal her origins and past. Bob Hoskins, though, is occasionally excellent as the bewildered and confused George, and always good- though some of the 'angry' scenes could be Bob in any number of his past roles and that dilutes their effectiveness.

The strained relationship between George and his daughter is too easily resolved to be plausible and the appearance of a white horse over is heavy-handed and unnecessary but the film is strong overall.

It is a good film, but patchy. Some parts are excellent, some are good and others disappointing- which is, perhaps, exactly what I expected. 7/10.

Soylent Green (1973)

I don't like Charlton Heston. I don't like him as an actor and I didn't like him as a man- though the man he was in the 60s was admirable, by the 80s he was an utter wanker. I don't like how he bullied his way onto Orson Welles' fantastic 'Touch of Evil'. I don't like how his acting technique consists of drawing his lips back over his teeth to express his entire range of emotions. I don't like how he punctuates sentences by. Putting an unnecessary full-stop in the middle.

But I often like the films he stars in despite him starring in them. This was one of them. Coming after Planet of the Apes and The Omega Man, this was a third sci-fi drama set in a dystopian future he made in five years. And he plays more or less the same character again.

What makes this film, however, is the magnificent supporting performance from Edward G. Robinson. He is compelling. It's also curious to see how this one-time screen tough guy is about half the size of Heston.

Robinson's performance needed to be good, though as he had a hell of a lot of film to carry. This is your standard seventies sci-fi in which everyone wears flared lapels and trousers and Richard Fleischer (who I've already put the boot into in the past week or so) spells out everything for the viewer in triplicate. Soylent Green was dumbed down before dumbing down was invented. The 'twist' therefore can be predicted inside the first ten minutes. Stick with the film past that, though, until Edward G's death scene which is pretty moving actually.

Finally, in a film where one screen legend puts in a bravura performance another (Joseph Cotten) simply turns up to collect his paycheck. The producers of 'Ashanti' should have noticed how Fleischer failed to get a performance out of a man who is capable of so much more, they could have saved themselves a bomb.

This is the usual 'future of man is in peril through our own greed/stupidity' bollocks which is single-handedly made watchable by Edward G. Robinson. 4/10.

The Devil Rides Out (1968)

This is pure Hammer and, therefore, utterly lovable- if hardly worthy of admiration. It is an entertaining period horror which is taken very seriously by the actors and less so by the effects staff (see how they shrink back in fear as the magnified backscreen projection of a tarantula or a horse with cardboard wings stalks them!).

By modern standards it's about as scary as being attacked by a goldfish being neither psychologically disturbing or making you jump, but that isn't the point. It is entertainment- more thriller than horror. Christopher Lee is a deeply sinister hero, Charles Gray a compelling villain and the script races along with surprising depth and a refreshing lack of predictability.

If you can show me another film where Prime Minister Jim Hacker knocks out a bloke from Emmerdale Farm with one punch, I'll eat my hat. 6/10.

Judgement at Nuremburg (1961)

There are some films where the worthy subject-matter allows me to ignore the poorer aspects of what I'm seeing. It's the opposite of admiring a Leni Riefenstahl film I suppose (I've deliberately never seen one for that very reason).

There are faults in this film. Some of the performances are a bit stagey, the film's pacing is uneven and the messages are rammed home with little subtlety and are overly preachy. But the film is important and dramatic and features some magnificent performances (most importantly from Montgomery Clift, Spencer Tracy and Maximilian Schell but also- a pleasant surprise for me this- a subtler-than-usual Burt Lancaster).

For telling a complex, important and challenging story with clarity and impact- 7/10.

Team America: World Police (2004)

I've never seen South Park. It's one of my to-do things (along with watching The Sopranos, The Wire and growing up a bit). But I know that it is irreverent, profane and takes no prisoners. That's plenty enough preparation for this.

It's not as clever as it would like to think. It says that America being "the world's policeman" rides roughshod over everything in its own interest, that lefty Hollywood stars are a self-important, uninformed and gushing and that Jerry Bruckheimer-style blockbusters are predictable and stilted. This isn't an ambitious movie- how many soft targets do you want to hit? It's not enough to take the piss out of Michael Moore if you're basically doing the same schtick.

But it is sporadically funny, well-made and the songs are worth hearing at least once. 4/10.